And for you concert-porn lovers, here ya go:

I was born a couple weeks past my due date – and not alive at the time, so when it comes to doing some “Ten random things about me” dealio, you think I’m going to do it on time?

1. See above.

2. My chin hasn’t seen the light of day in almost 11 years. The beard(s) have gone through many iterations. I started with the jazz strip, then full face, then to the full goatee that has been my standard for the last 9 years or so, with the exception of the occasional full-face here and there. I’ve already sent Jenna some of my face porn, most of which were recent shots.

3. I’m behind in getting into things, and then I really get into it. See: cell phones, myspace, facebook, twitter, blogging (okay, so I haven’t REALLY gotten into blogging yet).

4. Children make me very uncomfortable, even the ones I really like.

5. I’ve taken part in some pretty awesome conspiracies.

6. I can cook like a motherfucker, but baking completely escapes me. I kinda envy those who can and do it well, but then realise I’m entirely too lazy to put that much effort into it anyway.

7. On that note, while I have a very overzealous work ethic when I’m working, I’m the laziest sack o’shit ever when it comes my personal life. It’s fucked me over pretty hard many times.

8. I’ve been drinking coffee since I was 7 years old. I would hop onto the schoolbus with a big ole travel mug full of (black) coffee. I gave up coffee for one month in college, and other than that I don’t think I’ve ever gone a full 24 hours without. No wonder my kidneys hurt so much.

9. I’ve been to AA. It’s a scary cult. Fucking whackjobs.

10. For number 10, I’d like YOU to leave a random fact about me in the comment section. If you exist. Please?

11. Add one about yourself too. I don’t even know who reads this thing.

I’m supposed to do one of those thingfishies for you to pretend to be interested in. I’ve got two weeks off coming up, so that sounds like a good time…right?

Today is just a racks n stacks gig for me (is there any better combination of two word and a contraction in this business?). Touring guys have a Lake for EQ, and it started acting funky during soundcheck. Among other things, the software interface is saying a channel is mute when it clearly is not. Monitor guy who was looking at said “why is that red light on?”.

Me: “you just have to tell Roxanne that she doesn’t have to turn it on.”

Their system tech: “huh?”

So at some point fairly early on, I changed the title of this to its current “Master of None.” Naturally, this is indicative of the fact that while I am at heart a soundguy, I’ve done pretty much everything else under the sun in this crazy business we work in. Believe it or not, I started out in college in the studios there. I had a knack for it, and it’s what got me into this whole “live concert” thing that I think I detailed a few posts ago. So, I started life as a soundguy. Then, I had to learn a little bit of lighting. It was sometime around then that I remember declaring “I already had to learn how to do lights, I’ll never fucking do video.” Remember that for later. At one point in the first company I worked at, we had a lighting guy, a video guy, who due to the fact that we didn’t do much in the way of video (until after he left, ironically enough), was our rigging/stage/roof guy, a FOH guy, and me, monitor guy. I’d occasionally mix FOH for smaller gigs, but on anything larger, I wanted to be at monitors, because then I controlled the stage and the changeovers.

Then our video/staging/roofing guy left, so I ended up taking kinda taking over the stage and roof role, too. In retrospect, I really probably should not have, but I did learn a lot of what to and not to do. I was still the company monitor guy though (in addition to being the shop manager), and these were my roles until I left there. After I left that company, I spent several months freelancing for a variety of places. I mixed in a couple of clubs. There was a theatre where I was a rigger/carp. I did some work as a simple stagehand with the IA. And then I started doing work with a smallish A/V company that held a few pretty large accounts. No, I never once did sound for them. In fact, for all but two gigs, I was a fucking VIDEO GUY. It was kinda fun actually, as most of the video I did was as a seamless plasma wall tech. I got to satiate my ever burning curiosity for new things, and got to travel a bunch around the country doing it as well. I also stepped up my lighting skills, getting into some design with LED’s and movers, culminating in designing/running an awards show for them. Pretty fun, still.

Then I came to where I work now. I’m still a soundguy (though I’m FOH these days – still not sure how that happened), still the truck PackMan. I’m not THE stage/roof guy, but we do all kinda jump in on that. I’m basically the all around number 2 guy (except trucks). I’m the company L2 (the one who was here when I arrived has left, and not been replaced), I’m A2, I’m rigging 2, I’m video well…3 I guess, if you include the part-time guy that does most of our video.

So what the fuck is the point of this? Well, I’m damned and saved by my own fucking curiosity and willingness to learn. I learn new things other than audio, and do it well, and that gets me sucked into doing those things (which are NOT what I got into this to do) more and more often. This makes me very marketable. Unfortunately, sometimes it keeps me from doing my first love – audio. What I DO have going for me is the advances in digital technology in sound – digital consoles, networked audio, networked control of amplifiers, processors, consoles, etc…I’m the guy that knows that shit, and I’m often the ONLY ONE.

And thank god for that…

Too many things that need surgery, and not enough time!

As I spend my last day off for a few weeks wrestling with how to pull off the impossible next weekend and watch and rewatch videos of people who do what I do dying yesterday in Indiana, and go to pick up my pizza from slack-jawed stoners, I can’t help but wonder if they aren’t smarter than me.

New picture at the top that I made several variations of and took pictures of just to do this while I was bored yesterday while Bush was playing.

(they were good, and the guy’s mix was fucking AWESOME by the way)

I’ve been thinking a lot about my career recently, mostly brought on by a discussion I had with a young lad who is working for us this summer. He’s in college, in a recording program (actually a pretty decent one – I don’t know what kinda job placement they have, but I know the dude who runs it, and he’s damn near a legend in the industry – especially in the circles I used to run in back when I was doing that shit). He nonchalantly asked me if I went to school for this.

Well….yes and no.

I owe this whole goddamn mess to my high school Physics teacher in a way, Sandy Mac (not her real name, but that’s really what we called her). She’s the one that got me obsessed with physics. I applied to three colleges with the intention of starting my way onto a career in astrophysics. I was going to be the next Stephen Hawking – only I can walk! One of those schools, a tiny private college which actually HAD an Astrophysics major sent me a letter that flat out said I would need too much financial aid, so they were going to wait list me. Another I applied to, a state school but one with a highly regarded engineering and science reputation offered me too little financial aid for what I was going to need. So I picked my third option, which I applied to only as a fallback. Good thing I did, because I was going to need it.

By the way, the financial aid dude at the good engineering state school told me if I had applied to certain other ones, with my grades and SAT’s I would have probably recieved a free ride. Fuckers.

Anyway, once I got there, I still loved Physics but realised that I fucking LOATHE Chemistry. So I switched my major to History (after a LOT of cajoling by one of my History professors who was totally in love with me), and added a Music minor. Now, this school didn’t HAVE a Music major, and really only had a few music classes – all of which I took in my two years there. That’s when it hit me. I was going to become an ethnomusicologist (specifically the music of the Central Americas. I used to be able to tell the difference just by hearing them between a marimba made in Mexico vs one made in Nicaragua). So, I transferred to a different state school, one with a very well known music program.

It was here that I discovered the existence of recording programs. I thought that was really cool sounded, so I checked it out. Officially unrelated, but mostly made up of the recording students, was a “live sound club” on campus. I jumped into that immediately. I didn’t know shit, but it seemed fun.

It was my second gig that sealed my fate. It was a comedian and a band outdoors in a big tent. We loaded in, did the band, and then the comedian started. The weather started getting shitty. Suddenly, we were in the middle of a thunderstorm. No big deal, we’re under a tent, right? Then the power goes out. We start loading out in the dark. Then the tent starts collapsing. Mad rush ensues. I’m barking orders left and right because noone else would step up and take charge. We get loaded out and I head home to bed. Yeah right. I was running so high on the adrenaline rush and the realisation that I was made to do this.

I jumped wholehog into that live sound club, while assisting senior recording students in the studios. I skipped classes, skipped sleep…I mixed, edited, cut tape, fixed things, learned as much as I could. My grades suffered. I was given notice that I was to be booted out after that year. So I wrote a letter pleading my case, and was given a conditional semester in return. I came back even more gung-ho about live sound than recording, and started focussing more and more on that, when I wasn’t going on several day long benders. I was never drunk for a gig, but when I wasn’t gigging, I was drunk or on my way there. I eventually stopped doing that (and didn’t touch a drink for a few years), but got the official kick out. I never told any of the people in the live sound club that I had been booted, so I stayed on there for a whole ‘nother year running that.

That summer, I got a job with a local production company. I was 22. I had first mixed a live event a year and half before that (2 AG, 2 Vox, and shitting my pants in terror), and now I was getting paid to do it. There was a LOT to learn about reality, it turns out. I had a ridiculous summer, and the bossman of that company was shocked to find out that the next spring that I wanted to come back. And I did come back, totally in charge and running hard (or so I thought at the time – in retrospect I probably still sucked).

I never worked a job in another industry again, and I don’t imagine I ever will.

This is my home now:

So remember when I was complaining about my aching left shoulder?

In retrospect, I self-diagnosed it as a rotator cuff issue. It hurt like balls for months, then after a few months of not beating the ever loving shit out of it everyday, it got better. Since we got busy this year (ie, since April), it’s been totally fine. I’ve been throwing around stage, truss, speakers, cable boxes…not a problem.

Yesterday I lifted up a cup of coffee to my mouth and felt it burn. It’s hurt like a motherfucker ever since…just like it did in November.

Fuck.